For some time now since my last post, much has changed. I have wrote and rewrote and drafted like crazy. Then, I have read and reread and studied like crazy. After what comes… love. I have loved and loved and I am still loving like crazy. A conclusion I have settled with is this; it’s scary how fast time moves past you when life is happening… and when life is not happening, times does not move.. it runs.
I wanted to write something… anything.. but I couldn’t deny the fact that this story that you are about to read.. it needed to get out. Now.
It was about time. It needed some light and maybe.. I don’t know really..
Dedicated to a dear friend.
It must be love.
My parents, mom and dad.
How can it not be?
I mean.. They made me and all. Not molded me, but they were the reason I was born.
Plus God of cause.
Along the way between me being born and being raised, they parted and went their separate ways.
I never got a clear answer as to why
All I had to understand was this; It’s complicated, we just grew apart from each other.
They both love me very much and I love them too. Very much.
But they do not love one another anymore. The relationship just couldn’t work.
Dad said; It’s complicated child.
Mom said; you will understand when you are older.
I think that I am older. I mean, I’m passed teenage life already. Still…
I don’t understand.
I look a lot like dad, but I have a lot of traits that resemble mom too.
Every time I visit dad, he shouts out; I love you kid! The same does mom; I love you my darling!
If I look like dad and like mum, why don’t they shout out to each other; I love you!?
It would seem as if I don’t resemble any of them.
But I do.
They all tell me that I have mom’s eyes, dad’s nose, ears, mouth and even smile.
Apparently.. I inherited Mom’s stubbornness and Dad’s hard working personality.
Since I was a toddler, I have never once stopped looking up to them.
I still do. They are my idols.
When they went their separate ways.. I didn’t cry. It was complicated. I was too young to understand.
They told me; be strong.
I guess that I… I was too young to understand what complicated meant..
..but it never stopped me from wondering one thing; if I resemble them both, am I then a constant reminder of the love they lost?
Whenever I smile at Mom, does she see Dad?
and.. whenever I look at Dad, does he see Mom?
They all told me that I am an individual of my own…
…that I will grow to be a great person one day…
..that I will understand why life at times must be complicated..
..that it all would make sense..
My Aunts and Uncles would sing it in my ears, until I believed it; I am an individual.
But I have to be honest…
I am struggling to understand how a Love that once was burning and passionate..
..can fade away between the two..
and I am still in the Middle..
.. and still Mom and Dad, they do love me.
I am a product of both of them.
The complications has yet to be uncomplicated.
No matter how much I go through it all.. it makes no sense whatsoever.
And why do they all keep yelling out that I look so much like Mom and Dad!?
And again; why is there only coldness when Mom and Dad see one another!?
It is still complicated to me.. and I have grown up.
Or so I think I have.
Maybe there was a lot unsaid.
Maybe they didn’t communicate at all.
Maybe life with me was a lot more than what was bargained for.
Maybe we all just hit a big rock.
Maybe I was the reason to it all…
… I don’t know… and I think that I don’t want to know either.
and even though I might never be satisfied with the answer, I am glad they love me still.
Because I love them too.
Mom, Dad.. despite the complications that went down (and those that still are), I am glad I made it in life (and that I am still making it in life).
I love you both.
Maybe I will understand once I get to experience Love..
I hope that I will when I embark on the trail of Love..
I hope I will avvoid the complications though..
I really hope so.