Mom, Dad…


For some time now since my last post, much has changed. I have wrote and rewrote and drafted like crazy. Then, I have read and reread and studied like crazy. After what comes… love. I have loved and loved and I am still loving like crazy. A conclusion I have settled with is this; it’s scary how fast time moves past you when life is happening… and when life is not happening, times does not move.. it runs.

I wanted to write something… anything.. but I couldn’t deny the fact that this story that you are about to read.. it needed to get out. Now.

It was about time. It needed some light and maybe.. I don’t know really..


Dedicated to a dear friend.


It must be love.

My parents, mom and dad.

How can it not be?

I mean.. They made me and all. Not molded me, but they were the reason I was born.

Plus God of cause.

Along the way between me being born and being raised, they parted and went their separate ways.

I never got a clear answer as to why

What happened?

All I had to understand was this; It’s complicated, we just grew apart from each other.

They both love me very much and I love them too. Very much.

But they do not love one another anymore. The relationship just couldn’t work.

Dad said; It’s complicated child.

Mom said; you will understand when you are older.

I think that I am older. I mean, I’m passed teenage life already. Still…

I don’t understand.

I look a lot like dad, but I have a lot of traits that resemble mom too.

Every time I visit dad, he shouts out; I love you kid! The same does mom; I love you my darling!

If I look like dad and like mum, why don’t they shout out to each other; I love you!?

It would seem as if I don’t resemble any of them.

But I do.

They all tell me that I have mom’s eyes, dad’s nose, ears, mouth and even smile.

Apparently.. I inherited Mom’s stubbornness and Dad’s hard working personality.

Since I was a toddler, I have never once stopped looking up to them.

I still do. They are my idols.

When they went their separate ways.. I didn’t cry. It was complicated. I was too young to understand.

They told me; be strong.

I guess that I… I was too young to understand what complicated meant..

..but it never stopped me from wondering one thing; if I resemble them both, am I then a constant reminder of the love they lost?

Whenever I smile at Mom, does she see Dad?

and.. whenever I look at Dad, does he see Mom?

They all told me that I am an individual of my own…

…that I will grow to be a great person one day…

..that I will understand why life at times must be complicated..

..that it all would make sense..

My Aunts and Uncles would sing it in my ears, until I believed it; I am an individual.

But I have to be honest…

I am struggling to understand how a Love that once was burning and passionate..

..can fade away between the two..

and I am still in the Middle..

.. and still Mom and Dad, they do love me.

I am a product of both of them.

The complications has yet to be uncomplicated.

No matter how much I go through it all.. it makes no sense whatsoever.

And why do they all keep yelling out that I look so much like Mom and Dad!?

And again; why is there only coldness when Mom and Dad see one another!?

It is still complicated to me.. and I have grown up.

Or so I think I have.

Maybe there was a lot unsaid.

Maybe they didn’t communicate at all.

Maybe life with me was a lot more than what was bargained for.

Maybe we all just hit a big rock.

Maybe I was the reason to it all…

… I don’t know… and I think that I don’t want to know either.

and even though I might never be satisfied with the answer, I am glad they love me still.

Because I love them too.

Mom, Dad.. despite the complications that went down (and those that still are), I am glad I made it in life (and that I am still making it in life).

I love you both.

Maybe I will understand once I get to experience Love..

I hope that I will when I embark on the trail of Love..

I hope I will avvoid the complications though..

I really hope so.


On LDS Faith.

As I was scouting the web, I came across a blog called; 5 things this mormon wish you knew (see: and as I was reading the post, it was very common things said, but at the same time, th
ings that are pondered on countless by many LDS members and also non members (speaking from experience). I continued reading the comments, and there was one in particular that caught my eyes and I had to read it through. I was inspired and urged to say something, this post is me saying something and shining some light on the matters of the LDS faith. 

I testify that whatever you read from my answers are bind to MY testimony of the Gospel that I know to be true. It is not bound to research, but to prayer and honest seeking, and I urge you to do the same; seek thy answers in the scriptures and in honest prayer and there is no secret that will be held from you. That is a promise. So here it goes:

1)      As an answer to this question I would exhort you ask yourself a question too: How do anyone justify the Bible and it’s forthcoming to the prophets of that age, before and after Christ? I know that it is ONLY through prayer and I quote that which is written in the scriptures: “ these things…receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things”. –end quote.

2)      I am grateful to be a woman in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I KNOW that my salvation is in NO way hinged to marriage or to some guy. It is however hinged to my decision on living righteous, being dead or alive. This might come as a surprise, but it is not so that all are suppose to marry. Yes, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is indeed centered on family to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. I quote the Family Proclamation (LDS.ORG.. hig

Picture by Del Parson – The lost Lamb

hlight added): ALL HUMAN BEINGS  – male and female – are created in the image of God.. EACH HAS A DIVINE NATURE AND DESTINY.. HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.. The family is ordained of God.. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in LOVE and RIGHTEOUSNESS and are responsible to provide necessities of life and protection of their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In thes sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are OBLIGATED to help one another as equal partners” –end quote. The answer to your question; No, I am not in ANY way hinged to marriage with anyone for my salvation. I have been blessed with a divine nature and destiny which entitle me to choose freely.

3)      I am not sure with the knowledge you have gathered about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I do apologize in advance, but take no offense in my answers, I am answering the only way I know; the truth of His Gospel. I know with all of my heart that God is a God of pure righteousness and Love. Knowing that and bearing testimony of that, has shown me how perfect his plan indeed is and none of His children on this earth are forgotten, no matter their current situation or their religious background. I would like to share with you a few words on LDS Temples that are build worldwide and the youth that freely decide to serve a mission to preach the Gospel. I hope you will get the essence of how and why these two (temple and missions) are in fact very important for the people worldwide, both those that are members and those that ARE NOT members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. First, not only do members get married in the temple for all eternity, but “Temples bring joy to our faithful members wherever they are built. Temples are more than stone and mortar. They are filled with faith and fasting. They are built of trials and testimonies. They are sanctified by sacrifice and service…Every temple is a house of God” – Thomas S. Monson (read more at – The Holy Temple – A Beacon to the World). I quote further from living scriptures; A temple is a place where earth and heaven meet and where we feel close to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. All the ordinances that we do for ourselves in the temple can be performed by worthy members so that the deceased ancestors may receive them as well (search more on Family History at In this way, people who died without receiving essential ordinances such as baptism and confirmation and other temple ordinances, have the OPPORTUNITY to accept these ordinances” –end quote (highlights added).
Second, all members stand freely to choose to serve a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, to preach His Gospel. In the scriptures we read “Perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy”– end quote. We have mission services in all ages in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and the purpose for it is exactly what you asked; how is the spiritual deprivation of everyone who is not Mormon resolved? It is true that God is justice and He has laid forth a righteous plan enabling and giving His children EVERY possibility to learn of His teachings and onward to follow Him.

I testify to you that I know that the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. I have searched and asked honestly and I have received answers to prayers I thought were not possible. But I know whole heartedly that God does answers and He will answer your questions. This is my faith, build on my testimony that I have received from my Father in Heaven directly. You can receive the same.

Barby ♣