Don’t assume this is a love story to you. It is just what it is. An apology.
Last time we spoke was a while ago. Maybe too long.
I started thinking that you pulled away. Had enough.
Then when I thought it couldn’t be worse. You didn’t even say hello. You just kept busy, your face taped to the screen.
As if no one had entered the room.
I was left blank. With no words. I didn’t even dare look your way. I just walked quietly, found my seat and sunk in.
I asked myself; why did we leave things this way | Why did we let go of us | Had I grown up too fast? Too slow?
You used to make me laugh so hard I would get stomach cramps.
We used to make fun of each other.
You used to be here, but now you are … I don’t even know anymore.
You used to be the one that constantly told me I was beautiful. It mattered. I miss it.
Now, all I see is a Halo. Did I leave too soon? Was I wrong? Should I apologize?
I went on with life, thinking it did not matter. I shut you out, closed my heart for you and threw away the key.
I didn’t look the direction the key landed. I was hoping to not find it again.
Yesterday the key found me. I have not used it. I am hesitant. Afraid of what it might unlock.
I want to apologize, say; I am sorry. I feel sad for the days we wasted being apart.
Yet, I feel frozen. Why can’t we look pass this?
Can you forgive me? Can you really? Forgive? Me?
I was young. I believed in Happy Ever Afters. Maybe I was naive. Maybe I still am.
We are a little different, you and I. I am not ashamed. You shouldn’t be either. Difference was what got us together.
It just hurts to admit defeat. Is that all we were?
You entered my life. Rapidly. Spared no time at all. Gave your all. Good and bad. It didn’t matter.
The memories scattered. I ripped our pictures apart. Cut you out.It seems harsh, I know. I had to. I was broken. Maybe I still am.
Life didn’t wait, it never waits. At least it didn’t wait for me.
A new one entered my life. Patched the pieces together. Made me whole. Finally.
But I never stopped thinking of you. You used to be my best friend. I used to believe in BFF.
Can we fix us? Is there enough glue? Is there you and me? Is there?
You matter to me. At least you mattered a whole deal. I want you back.
But it seems too late. I didn’t think I would let things go this far. I am sorry. I truly am.
Maybe it was for the best. I don’t know.
Now, we are not enemies. Just not friends. I miss the friendship.
Now and then, when we bump into each other, the conversation goes something like this;
“Hi, How are you?
Good. And you?
Good. Long time.
There is so much sadness underneath every word. We both know it.
There are so many words unsaid, unheard and burried. It’s obvious that we are not going back to where we once were.
With the dry conversations, it seems like we are trying to save whatever is left. When actually nothing is left to save.
But to open the wounds, is too much to demand. So we carry on. Hurting one another the way we know how to, not because we want to.
In my Happy Ever After world, we would still be friends. I would not have left things get as far as they did. I would have swallowed my pride and apologized.
It took me a while. To swallow my pride, and come to this point. To say; I was wrong. My apology.
But so were you. To let go of us without a fight.
This is all we are. All we will ever be. Not enemies. Not friends. Just two people who used to know each other.
Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the tears we shared. Thank you for your friendship.
Most of all, thank you for loving me.