Mom, Dad…


For some time now since my last post, much has changed. I have wrote and rewrote and drafted like crazy. Then, I have read and reread and studied like crazy. After what comes… love. I have loved and loved and I am still loving like crazy. A conclusion I have settled with is this; it’s scary how fast time moves past you when life is happening… and when life is not happening, times does not move.. it runs.

I wanted to write something… anything.. but I couldn’t deny the fact that this story that you are about to read.. it needed to get out. Now.

It was about time. It needed some light and maybe.. I don’t know really..


Dedicated to a dear friend.


It must be love.

My parents, mom and dad.

How can it not be?

I mean.. They made me and all. Not molded me, but they were the reason I was born.

Plus God of cause.

Along the way between me being born and being raised, they parted and went their separate ways.

I never got a clear answer as to why

What happened?

All I had to understand was this; It’s complicated, we just grew apart from each other.

They both love me very much and I love them too. Very much.

But they do not love one another anymore. The relationship just couldn’t work.

Dad said; It’s complicated child.

Mom said; you will understand when you are older.

I think that I am older. I mean, I’m passed teenage life already. Still…

I don’t understand.

I look a lot like dad, but I have a lot of traits that resemble mom too.

Every time I visit dad, he shouts out; I love you kid! The same does mom; I love you my darling!

If I look like dad and like mum, why don’t they shout out to each other; I love you!?

It would seem as if I don’t resemble any of them.

But I do.

They all tell me that I have mom’s eyes, dad’s nose, ears, mouth and even smile.

Apparently.. I inherited Mom’s stubbornness and Dad’s hard working personality.

Since I was a toddler, I have never once stopped looking up to them.

I still do. They are my idols.

When they went their separate ways.. I didn’t cry. It was complicated. I was too young to understand.

They told me; be strong.

I guess that I… I was too young to understand what complicated meant..

..but it never stopped me from wondering one thing; if I resemble them both, am I then a constant reminder of the love they lost?

Whenever I smile at Mom, does she see Dad?

and.. whenever I look at Dad, does he see Mom?

They all told me that I am an individual of my own…

…that I will grow to be a great person one day…

..that I will understand why life at times must be complicated..

..that it all would make sense..

My Aunts and Uncles would sing it in my ears, until I believed it; I am an individual.

But I have to be honest…

I am struggling to understand how a Love that once was burning and passionate..

..can fade away between the two..

and I am still in the Middle..

.. and still Mom and Dad, they do love me.

I am a product of both of them.

The complications has yet to be uncomplicated.

No matter how much I go through it all.. it makes no sense whatsoever.

And why do they all keep yelling out that I look so much like Mom and Dad!?

And again; why is there only coldness when Mom and Dad see one another!?

It is still complicated to me.. and I have grown up.

Or so I think I have.

Maybe there was a lot unsaid.

Maybe they didn’t communicate at all.

Maybe life with me was a lot more than what was bargained for.

Maybe we all just hit a big rock.

Maybe I was the reason to it all…

… I don’t know… and I think that I don’t want to know either.

and even though I might never be satisfied with the answer, I am glad they love me still.

Because I love them too.

Mom, Dad.. despite the complications that went down (and those that still are), I am glad I made it in life (and that I am still making it in life).

I love you both.

Maybe I will understand once I get to experience Love..

I hope that I will when I embark on the trail of Love..

I hope I will avvoid the complications though..

I really hope so.


same LOVE

This is not a political entry.

These are my own words, thoughts and feelings.


My heart has been burning for this case for a very long time now. I have always been attracted to guys, and I knew this since I was in kindergarten because I consistently tried to impress all the guys with my many talents that I had. I would give up my “you-have-been-good-today” cookies to the cutest guy in class and I would step up my game and be the best in everything I set my mind to. Just to impress that cute guy. Since kindergarten I knew who I was attracted to.

As years passed, I was taught how liking the same gender was wrong. I understood that I was one stereotype and for those who liked the same sex had certain characteristics, thus belonging to another stereotype. Being homosexual was perceived as a taboo, and still is in some parts of society. I was taught that it was a sin, because it was believed that it was a decision one makes. And if it was not by choice, there were societies believing that you can be cured with some treatment and religion. I don’t believe that is true.


Believing is a strong action, making someone believe requires a lot of effort and some humility. As a kid, I was not what so ever “protected” from homosexuality, but I was hidden from the truth. The truth that we are all the same, no matter who we feel attracted to.

I believe in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. “I believe” is a strong word and requires action. I have believed in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ my whole life, and through life I have learned that we are all the same. Not the same as in color, personality, culture, language or economy. No, we are all the same as in we are all humans, living on this earth, together. It’s Human Rights for everybody, there is no difference! Believing has led me to truly understand one thing; We are all loved, by our families or our friends, by our loved ones or our neighbors and even by strangers whom we are so quick to judge.

 It’s true what they say; you have never experienced until you walk in ones’ shoes.


I am not here to say that I know what you go through, I am here to share just one message; I love you the way you are, the way you choose to be, and mostly I love you. Period. You. I have seen the pain and the fear. Those things and emotions that deprive you from being alive, from being true to yourself, from being who

you were meant to be. You. I have seen your anger, your frustration, leaving you feeling like a nobody. I am so sorry for what they made me believe when I was younger and for judging you so quickly and making you feel less. I have tried to console your broken hearts, but felt powerless by the words other keep attacking you with. I am not here to tell you who to be, or who to love. I am here to tell you that I love you regardless. I might not know you, but I still love you.

With harsh words, we have become numb to what we are saying. The harsh words have become our everyday vocabulary and weloveiskind don’t give them a second thought. Did you know that once you think it, you have already said it, but can take it back? But once you have spoken those words out loud, they can never be taken back? Did you know that words hurt more than a punch or a kick because they last in our memories forever? The pain of a punch or a kick will disappear in a few days, but words spoken will haunt us to our grave. Did you know that words alone have led to thousands of people committing suicide? Like Macklemore once sung; no law will change us, we have to change us. The words we so freely are blessed to use and speak, let’s use them for good. By doing so, you are not stripped of your freedom of speech, rather, you are actually giving another individual the freedom to be.

Barby :]]